6.29.2012

James 1:19

As I stood in our bathroom putting on mascara, I began to think about Kensley's upcoming Birthday and the profession I guessed her to be on her first Birthday; a Long Legged Librarian.  It was different.  It was kind of unique.  I wanted Kensley to stand out.  I wanted her to be confident.  I wanted her to be different. 

The tears started flooding my face and my mascara quickly began to run.  The same thing I had prayed for... I got... and now, there are times, I wonder what life would be like had God not heard my prayer.  That's the cold hard truth.   This is my blog, it's a space for me to document our family as we are on this journey called life.  For the most part, I try not to be a downer and post about negative things, but I have reached the point where I need to be real.  Real with myself.  Real about the truth.  Every child is different.  I get that.  It's hard not to compare.  Very hard.  Nolan is the most laid back little kid I've ever met.  He's easily.  Crazy easy. 

After a month of Kensley's best time {probably ever} we have recently taken a few steps back.  I knew some days would be hard... I just never thought about having hard weeks.  Hard months.  Before you roll your eyes and think to yourself, "She doesn't have a clue.  I have it way harder" I do get it.  It could be worse.  So much worse.   A phrase I came up with when she was about 13 months old is, "Even though my hands are full, my heart is not empty. "

Routines are a big deal at our house - more than the normal morning and bedtime routines for other families.  They are stability for Kensley.  We have chosen to send Kensley to private Christian Preschool.  {At this time she is still not eligible for public education}  I am fearful how the new transition will go.  I pray that it will be easy, go smoothly, and her teachers show her a little extra grace... not to be confused with favoritism. 

Whether or not I choose to believe that Kensley still has the labels that specialists were quick to identify her by, she is different.  There's no denying it.  The older she gets the more apparent it becomes.  Some children are stubborn.  Others are strong willed.  And then there is Kensley... and I can't imagine our lives without her!  God is calling her by her potential, not by a doctor's diagnosis.

During the hard times I find myself getting frustrated easily.  Not at God.  Not at Rob.  Not even really at Kensley.  Just at the situation.  I feel helpless; out of control.  There are days that I feel as though we have tried everything.  Nothing is seeming to work. 

But then, I am gently reminded of how God wants me to respond.  "Always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily."  James 1:19  That doesn't mean be slow to anger at just the lost and hurting, but to my own family.  My own kids.  My own special daughter. 

As I knew there would be, there is an end in sight.  Today is better than yesterday and yesterday was better than the day before.  We are going to get there... I am starting to see the light flicker at the end of the tunnel.    

Returning from story hour today, we noticed a package on the porch. 
Reading at 3 has it perks.  She knew who it was from; my Indiana Mom!
{Just another reason why I carry my camera with me at all times - you might just need it on your porch}
 Yep!  Albanese Confectionery Group = CANDY STORE!!!
 Excited is an understatement.  She loves Hello Kitty anything... especially candy necklaces!
This is the care package of all care packages. It was just what we needed. Bribes work in our family.
They work even better if the prize, treat or present is from someone other than me!
 Just a glimpse at some of the super cool candy.
I have never saw so many stickers!  44 sheets to be exact!

Yes, we will be rationing these items out for quite a while...
but it's just what our kids needed... just what I needed.

THANKS ZELMA :)

1 comment:

Christy K. said...

How so VERY sweet.