6.29.2010

Perspective

With too much free time on my hands, I've been thinking about perspective a lot lately.

I've not made any bones about this pregnancy; it's not what Rob or I expected.

I never anticipated having so many medical complications. I never imagined that it would mentally be as challenging dealing with the guilt of being on restricted duty and feeling like a "Couch Mom" {You know, the lazy women that lay on the couch and command their children to bring things to them and never get up to interact or entertain them.} I never dreamed I'd feel so dependent on my parents... although I'm extremely grateful for their willingness to help, I still feel like a burden. I never thought I'd view myself as a failure as a wife, but the tasks of cooking and cleaning most days seems too overwhelming.

Now before you think this is a poor, poor, pitiful me post, it's not... it's about perspective.

As I'm quick to scold Kensley for ripping out her hair pretty for the 147,394,275th time, I'm grateful that she has beautiful blond locks. I know there are grieving Mom's out there who have recently lost their daughters who would long to put a hair pretty in, just one more time... it's all about perspective.

As I get frustrated by tripping over toys that I've already pulled myself off the couch 7 times earlier in the day to pick up, I'm thankful that Kensley has people in her life that spoil her.  What about those children in foster care who continue to search for their "Forever Families"... it's all about perspective.

As I get agitated when I do muster up the strength to make something for dinner, and as I am pulling it out of the oven, the phone rings and I learn that Rob has to work over. Instead, I should be thankful for such a secure, dependable job less than 5 miles from home that provides well enough I get to stay at home... it's all about perspective.

As I dread making the unavoidable Walmart run because I don't feel like dealing with first of the month drama and waiting in long lines to cash out.  What about those struggling families that avoid the grocery store for the mere fact, they have no money to purchase the necessities... it's all about perspective.

And... as for this scary and trying pregnancy... it's all about perspective.

As I am tempted to throw myself a pity party, I know that there are hundreds, if not thousands, of struggling women out there who would give anything to be pregnant... sick or not.  Putting it into perspective, I have less than 3 months of this lifestyle left, and then it will all be worth it.

I do not take Nolan's pregnancy for granted.  I am thankful for the opportunity to carry, once again, another miracle.  Every day that I remain pregnant means that Nolan continues to grow and he's one step closer to being even more healthy.

So now... for an update... keeping all things in perspective.

I went back to the doctor today to discuss my recent blood work. Yes, my white blood cell count is low, as are my sugar levels. At this point in the game, approaching my third {and thankfully final} trimester, the risks of receiving blood are more severe than the benefits are predicted to be. It's hard to wrap my head around it since I felt so much better after the last 2 transfusions, but, Nolan's best interest is what matters most. I'm trying to keep in perspective that things could be worse, and be grateful that Nolan's estimated weight is 3 lbs... 10 lb baby, here I come!

P.S. While I had to wait over an hour to talk to my Doctor,
I found a 20% off coupon to Gymboree in a magazine; pure bliss, I tell ya!

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